After a few weeks from having the biopsy, my consultant/ surgeon decided that I should have a bigger operation to take out more samples of the bump to see why it was causing me so much pain/growing.  After the operation,  I woke up feeling fine! The operation went well, it only lasted an hour and I was in high spirits because I thought they were going to find out what was wrong with me and then move on but when I came back home, that's when things started to go downhill.

 

The area where they did the operation in my face hurt so much and was swollen so bad that I didn’t recognise myself whenever I looked in the mirror. This made me feel really depressed.  Yes, my surgeon told me swelling always happens after every operation before it gets better but when I found out the swelling wouldn’t go down and it kept on staying swollen,. . . that’s when I started to panic. 

 

After two weeks of waiting to hear the results of what was happening to my face and why it wasn't going down my surgeon called me into his office and told me the news that I was dreading. 

 

I had (osteosarcoma) bone cancer.

 

The date was 14th of April 2016, a week after my 18th birthday.

 

I don’t have any pictures of myself at my 18th, which I regret now because all my life (as do many other young people I would imagine) always envisioned that their 18th birthday party would be this big spectacular event where you could legally drink, have fun, dance and just enjoy hitting that important milestone that most people look forward their whole life for, but my face was really big at this moment in time that I didn’t feel like taking any pictures at all…. which looking back, I wish I had .

 

The first thought that came into my mind when I got diagnosed was what would I do for a career now that performing arts wasn't in the picture anymore? All that time, effort, long nights, giving up a social life gone in a moment because I had cancer… and it was in my face of all places. I was distraught. I don't think I cried at the time. I was just very emotionless, and my throat was hoarse… I didn’t want to look or speak to anybody. My mom, who was with me at the time, tried to speak to me and cheer me up by getting my favourite food, all my close family members came down to my house and tried to cheer me up, my sister came and cried in my lap but I had no emotion at all. I was just numb. 

 

But what made me cry the most was thinking about how my two youngest nieces would handle the news. My two nieces mean the absolute world to me and they look up to me so much and I didn’t want to imagine how sad they would be if I wasn’t in this world any longer. I was also thinking about how my mom would of coped with me being gone, even though she is a strong woman, I wouldn't want to imagine putting her in a situation where she just cracked. 

 

And in that moment that was when my barriers broke. I cried and cried and cried until there was no tears left. I was honestly so lost.

 

I began to start asking the questions I’m sure everyone does when their first diagnosed. Why me?  What have I done wrong? I wasn't the healthiest, but I was fit, didn’t smoke or drink so why was this happening to me?

 

I was lost and I was angry.