Find Your Sense Of Tumor 😏💕

#teeenagecancertrust #findyoursenseoftumor #gettogether #fun

A few weekends ago I took part in a 'Teenage Cancer Trust' event called, ‘Find Your Sense Of Tumor' (yes, that really is it's name 😂✌🏾) and it was honestly the most entertaining and fun three days I've had this year.

"FYSOT weekend is an event for young people who've had cancer. Enjoy a mix of inspirational workshops, fabulous therapies and great social activities, as well as the chance to meet other young people who know what it's like to have cancer" - Teenage Cancer Trust

I was so excited to attend this event that I wasn't even nervous about getting stared at or not, in fact, I think I was more focused on having a good time, reuniting with old friends, taking part in the workshops and getting involved in the parties😁, but I have to admit, even though I still sometimes get anxiety whenever I walk alone somewhere, and I still get anxious when certain people look at me, I try not to make it bother me as much because I now know that people are not doing it to be mean, they are just curious.

This is the reason why I just decided to focus more on how great the weekend was going to be rather then anything negative so I could just enjoy myself with no worries at all.

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FYSOT - Day 1

I finally arrived at the Hilton Hotel in Burton-upon-Trent, and it was beautiful, absolutely stunning! I wouldn't call myself posh by any means, so I'm unaware what a posh hotel actually looks like, but the hotel was posh 😂. The lobby was amazing, the rooms were nice, the staff were great, and it was just a really nice hotel.

( I realize I might be hyping them up too much but it was really impressive 😂. I would recommend going there.)

(I would show you more of what the hotel looked like, but I don't want to be done for copywrite... so let's not risk it 😂)

The only downside to all of this was when my friend dropped out the last minute which meant I had a room to myself. This left me feeling a little bit apprehensive because I hate being alone. I know what you may be thinking, 'Crystal, why are you complaining? I would have been excited to have my own room!' and in a way I was, but I've found over the years (since having cancer) that whenever I'm left by myself and to my own thoughts. I suddenly find myself over thinking a lot of things and having negative thoughts.

Thoughts I knew were not going to be helpful for me during this trip, but after I sorted myself out and convinced myself that I would be fine and that I’m not the same negative person I once was, I quickly began to figure out being in a room by myself wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, in fact, it was even better!

I believe that this just proved how much I've grown in the last year because it showed that I can now be by myself without having to worry about any negative thoughts that can put me in a bad mood, and instead be more comfortable in my own company and not worry or overthink too much if I don't allow myself to.

Party 🎶😎

After everyone got settled and things became more chill, that's when the party began 😁.

We played games, we danced, we sang, we competed against other groups/hospitals from all around the country (apparently there was a dance battle but I wasn't there 😂). It was just an amazing and inspiring experience to see all these young people, from different parts of the country, all come together to just have fun.

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FYSOT - Day 2

This day was a bit more hectic and busy then yesterday 😂 , but I didn't mind because it was honestly one of the best days of the whole weekend.

Not only did we have some informative and inspirational presentations that talked about remembering friends who we had lost due to cancer, fertility, managing sleep and fatigue and a presentation by a person from 'Changing Faces' (I'm a bit biased when I say that was my favourite part 😉), but everything about the speeches were just so intriguing.

Normally I can't stand sitting through presentations because sometimes I lose concentration half the way through, but listening to all these speeches/presentations, I found myself so invested and inspired by the type of things they were talking about, that I was glad to be a part of it.

Pause ✋🏾

I just have to take this moment to praise the Teenage Cancer Trust for a second 😂. I just wanted to say how appreciative I am of them creating this weekend for young people who have dealt with cancer.

I am so happy that they have created various workshops, activities, presentations and etc for all of us that not only addresses and helps deal with our worries and fears, but it also allows us to have fun without the C word hanging over our heads.

Everything that was set out for us this weekend was just so positive and interesting and for that, I wanted to say a quick thank you 😁👏🏾.

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Workshops 😁☀️

There were various different workshops to choose from at FYSOT, there was a support group about male fertility, female fertility, living with a long-term diagnosis, relationship advice, addressing women's sexual concerns after cancer, exercise/nutrition/mental well-being and a mindfulness support group.

I was honestly spoilt for choice! I didn't know what to pick because I thought each and every one of these workshops connected with me in a different way, but ultimately, I was drawn to doing the mindfulness support workshop.

- Mindfulness 🕊🌤

#peace #mindfulness

" Mindfulness. Mindfulness is an integrative, mind-body based approach that helps people to manage their thoughts and feelings and mental health. ... Training helps people to become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and body sensations so that instead of being overwhelmed by them" - mentalhealth.org.uk

If you have already read my spirituality page on this blog, you must be aware I am heavily into mindfulness and the spiritual practice of meditation. I was so excited that this workshop was included because I believed this was right up my street 😁.

Kay Scorah, who did an amazing job running the session btw, taught us five acronyms that she wanted us to really pay close attention to whenever we were in a state of stress, whether this was stressing about check-ups, school, work or life in general. These acronyms were,

S - stop whatever it is that is making you stressed out or feel negative.

N - notice what is happening within you.

A- accept what is going on within and don't be too hard on yourself about it.

C - urious. Ask yourself the important questions and then ask what you need to do to make it better.

K - Kindness. Be kind to yourself and accept whatever you were feeling at that time is in the past and just have a positive attitude.

I can not begin to describe how helpful knowing these acronyms meant to me. It was like she was reading my mind! In the past I have found myself obsessing over people staring at me, worrying about what they might be thinking and just overall being really negative towards myself. But I strongly believe that if I pay close attention to these acronyms whenever I have my bad days and not be so hard on myself for the negative feelings I have, then I hope by next year I'll become a more positive and better person then I'm slowly starting to become at this moment.

Following these acronyms can also apply whenever YOU are feeling any type of stress or anxiety.

Next, we did some mindfulness breathing , which is sort of similar to doing meditation, we were first told to get into a comfortable seating position in our chairs by keeping our feet planted on the ground whilst we had our hands in our laps. Then we were told to breathe in the positive energy and breathing out any negative or unpleasant energy, so it can leave our bodies and minds becoming more stress-free and relaxed.

We also did mindful walking, mindful appreciation and mindful awareness.

Everything about this workshop was so insightful and relaxing that I wish I knew about it after I had my operation and during chemotherapy. I believe that if I had, my emotional journey might have been a lot easier to deal with.

- Complementary Therapy 🛏☺

#reiki #healing #relaxation

"Complementary therapies are used alongside conventional medical treatments prescribed by your doctor. They can help people with cancer to feel better and may improve your quality of life. They may also help you to cope better with symptoms caused by the cancer or side effects caused by cancer treatment" - Cancer Research UK

I decided to do a Reiki treatment because whenever my mother gave me Reiki, or especially when I was in London receiving reiki treatment after my operation, I'd always fell into a peaceful and relaxing mindset, which I believe really helped me mentally heal during my most difficult moments. The calming music playing in the background, the stillness, being in a comfortable and relaxing position would make anybody forget their worries and focus on the healing going throughout their body. This was the reason why I was so excited to try it again.

These are some photos I took of my reiki session:

In this picture you can see various different reiki cards laid out on the table. I had to pick one up out of random, read the card and then during the healing session, I then had to think more about it in detail.

I found this absolutely terrifying how spot on this was 🤣 But in a way, it did make a lot of sense.

Yep 😉

This was the comfortable bed I laid on as I received the reiki treatment and the next picture is were the scents that the woman used throughout the session (the room honestly smelled so nice)

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I talk a little bit more about complementary therapy in the spirituality page of my blog, so pop on over there if your interested. 😁

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Changing Faces Presentation 😁👏🏾

#changingfaces #facialdifference #portraitpositive

"Changing Faces is the UK’s leading charity for the 1.3 million people in the UK with a visible difference: a mark, scar or condition that makes them look different. We challenge discrimination and we campaign for Face Equality: a world that truly values and respects people who look different" - Changing Faces

Changing Faces is a charity that means so much to me, they not only give people who are living with a facial difference the emotional support that they desperately need, but they also try their hardest to raise awareness around the UK in showing people that just because we look different, doesn't mean we are not like the normal everyday person.

I knew a little bit about Phillida Swift (the woman who spoke on behalf of changing faces) from the BBC Three video, 'Things not to say to someone with a facial disfigurement', but this was the first time I had the pleasure of meeting and talking to her in person. Phyllida and I had an amazing conversation before her speech talking about our involvement with Changing Faces, her scar, my cancer experience and how proud I was of her coming to this FYSOT event and raising awareness for people who have facial differences.

After her presentation, I was shocked to find I not only became a lot more confident in approaching people that I hadn’t spoken to before at FYSOT, but I was also a lot more comfortable engaging in certain conversations.

I'd hopefulIly wished that after all the young people who watched the presentation had now had a better understanding of the thoughts, feelings and history of a person with a facial difference, that they would hopefully become more approachable towards me and I wouldn’t have to worry if I was going to be judged or not based on how I looked, and surprisingly, this was what exactly happened. I don’t know if it took them watching the changing faces presentation to speak to me or not, but I’d found that when we were doing the fancy dress night, I’d discovered a lot more people came up to me and complimented my outfit, I got smiles in the hallway, certain people made small talk with me and things just got a lot more better. I was overjoyed.

Phyllida was also at FYSOT to talk about Changing Faces Portrait Positive campaign:

"The Portrait Positive campaign aims to challenge perceptions of beauty through a series of striking images of 16 different women with visible facial and bodily differences" - Changing Faces

I really love this campaign, it goes to show that even if a person looks different and they don’t look ‘the same’ like everybody else, this doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t go in front of a camera and represent what beauty means to them. I sincerely hope this same inspiring campaign will continue on for years to come because I know that if does, it will help and inspire young girls like me.

If you want to check it out some more information just type in 'Portrait Positive campaign’ into Google. It is a amazing campaign to follow and who knows...maybe you will see me take part in it next year 😂.

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Circus themed costume party 🎇💥🎈🎈

Each year FYSOT has a costume party which shows everyone dressing up, having fun to then performing in the showcase by the end of the night. The theme for this year's fancy dress was 🎈The Circus🎈, so my hospital and I not only had to come up with a performance (last minute. com 😂), but we also had to quickly find what circus costumes we were all going to wear. I decided to go as a ringleader because I just found the costume cool 😂, but I was unaware that by me choosing to be a ringleader, that it meant I was going to centre stage for the entire performance!

Instead of feeling excited about this, I honestly started to freak out. All these thoughts were rushing through my mind, what if I go on stage and people laugh, what if they point at my face and whisper amongst themselves, what if someone makes a mean comment. It got so bad that I was thinking about bailing on the performance all together.

But this year I made a pledge to myself that I wasn't going to miss out on opportunities just because of my fears, I was going to conquer my fears, become more confident and try to not care too much of what people thought of me, and as it turned out after I did the performance and I came off stage, I discovered that I felt so liberated and proud of myself that I almost wished I could do it again!

I didn’t make my fears scare me away from doing the performance and I was so happy I did it.

- FYSOT Performance 🤡👯‍🤹‍

(And yes the audio in the background is my voice 🤣)

This was the closest thing to 'acting' since I was diagnosed in 2015 and I never realised how much I had missed it. It was so exhilarating! I used to get such a rush out of commanding an audience and entertaining people that I almost forgotten what it felt like. So by me going back to that feeling, even if it was just a few minutes, It had such an great impact on my confidence that I'm glad I did it.

Here is the process of me getting ready for my performance:

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After all the performances were done, that's when the party began 😁. It was the last party of the weekend and everybody was in high spirits.

To see these young people from different parts of the country who had all these different types of cancers come together to be a part of something so positive, it made me really happy to be a part of it.

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FYSOT - Day 3 (final day ☹️)

The day started off with speeches from Wen Stone, who did an inspiring speech talking about her cancer experience and Ben Sundell, who talked about how the Teenage Cancer Trust effects the government and the types positive of changes it's making. Afterwards, I then did a circus skills workshop which including juggling (which I was so crap at 😂), and I got lodes of free stuff along the way. It was a good end to a great event!

Eulogy of Toby Peach

The final speaker of the FYSOT was Toby Peach, who did a eulogy documenting his cancer experience.

"From diagnosis to remission, relapse and treatment; experience a young man’s journey with cancer in this honest, fascinating and inspiring exploration of modern science and the human body; discovery of self-mortality and celebration of life" - Derby Theatre

I think it was really good for the Teenage Cancer Trust to get Toby Peach to perform his eulogy because not only was it interesting and entertaining to watch but it was also 100% authentic and honest . I don't normally go to many one man/woman shows because I believe it's more interesting to see an ensemble cast, but when he commanded the stage and the audience's attention with his story by being honest, that's when I started to realise that by him performing by himself, it made the performance more personal to us as an audience because it was him (alone) telling his story and noone else.

In all of my years of going to the theatre, I never see many true story theatre plays talking about a person cancer experience, so by seeing Toby be confident enough to go on stage and share what he has been through with the world, it really inspired me to hopefully do the same thing in the future 😏

Here is the trailer for ' The Eulogy of Toby Peach':

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Wrapping things up 😁

Thank you to the Teenage Cancer Trust for allowing me to be a part of this amazing event! , for building up my confidence and making me have lodes of fun. It was an honestly great weekend and I will never forget how it made me grow as a person. I hope to come again next year. 😁

Here is a video of the weekend overallx

Please help donate to the Teenage Cancer Trust so they can help more young people like myself, and around the UK. Your help will make a lot of difference 😁💖

https://www.teenagecancertrust.org/support-us/donate

Thank You.

- Crystal