Happy Valentine's day everybody! Some of you might internally groan, others may love today so much that they are happy I'm making this post and the rest is scratching their heads in confusion asking why I'm bothering making this blog post in the first place😂 but trust me, you will (hopefully) gain a lot from reading this.
I have never seen the point of Valentine's day, and maybe it's because my childhood relationships didn't reach that point of me ever receiving a love card (and I don't mean those cards you get in primary school that the teachers force you to write for the whole class) but seeing as my life has met its fair share of love (and rejection😬) , I am old enough now to realise the power of self-love and appreciation and regardless if you have that special someone today or not, let's all celebrate love together because it can mean many glorious and amazing things that I hope to show you in this post. 😁💖
💖Topics
🌹What Valentines Day means to me.
🌹Valentine's day if you are single (what can you do to make this day special)
🌹Best ways to attract romantic/self-love into your life
🌹Interviewing my friends within the visible difference community on valentines day. (please read this very important interview! it is the highlight of this blog post and you won't regret it.)
🌹What is the true meaning of Valentine's day in the 21st Century?
🌹What Valentines Day means to me.
Valentine's day has always been an occasion that reminded me that I was single. It is not like Christmas, birthdays, mothers day, fathers day or any other celebration that I felt joy and excitement because I just felt depressed I didn't have anybody. This, as you can imagine, became a lot worse after I had my operation. I truly believed that nobody would find me attractive because not even I found me attractive. I had people telling me I was beautiful before cancer, I had people calling me beautiful during cancer and I even had people saying I looked beautiful after my operations, but throughout all of the stages of my life I didn't believe them and I continued putting myself down and calling myself horrible things that made me feel crap. I was conscious enough to realise that speaking about myself this way wasn't good, but I couldn't find a way to heal myself - until I started to look for people who mastered the art of self-love regardless of their visible differences.
I have met people with scars, birthmarks, skin graphs, burns and many other differences that have all helped me find the self-love within myself. My friend Sharon is a great example because whenever I needed dating advice and some advice on self-love, she is always able to give me a fresh new perspective on dating with a visible difference whilst also, encouraging me to 'put myself out there' in the dating world and not have any negative beliefs that I will never find love. I always feel comfortable speaking to her about these things because as two women with a visible difference, all of our concerns, worries, hopes and dreams are pretty much similar. I am truly inspired by how she has gotten over her fears and yet has still managed to find love 😁 it has truly affected how I view myself today.
Now I view Valentines Day as an expression of love for all people, no matter what we look like, there is love out there for any and everybody and by spreading romantic or platonic love we will be successful in making the world a happier place to live in 💖
🌹Valentine's day if you are single (what can you do to make this day special)
Back in the day, most people would get sympathy from all sides for being single on Valentines Day but luckily thanks to pop culture and the internet being single is celebrated amongst the masses and isn't something to feel bad about 💓
Here are some things that single people on this loving day have said they loved to do (and which you can include in your day as well ;):
💓"Get your favourite onesie on, make a cup of herbal tea, get some chocolate and watch a comedy. Who says you have to be sad on Valentines Day? Become your own partner"
💓 "I always like to do a bit of self-care on Valentines Day. I have a bath full of my favourite bath bombs, put on some candles, music and just relax appreciating me. It's wonderful.
💓 "I bring all of my best girl mates around and we just have a massive sleepover! The only rule is we can't talk about boys. We just enjoy each others company and chat until our jaws ache"
💓 "I love watching my favourite romantic movies. It doesn't make me sad because I'm single - quite the opposite I just love watching them"
See what all of these people have in common? They all indulge in self-love and self-care for themselves and without a partner, they decided to spend this holiday caring for themselves. I know some people might skip Valentines Day and call it overrated and not do anything to celebrate, but just think for a moment - don't just celebrate the day for when you have a partner, for the time that you don't celebrate day to celebrate you, especially if you are the sort of person that needs a much needed time for self-care. Trust me, you will appreciate it.
If you want to look at more fun and hilarious version to what I just wrote 😂 then watch Brittany Daniel Youtube video on her advice for singles for today 💖. It will really motivate you.
🌹Best ways to attract romantic/self-love into your life
I was first introduced to manifestation after watching the law of attraction movie, 'The Secret', which is on Netflix. After watching the movie and many other videos on the Law of Attraction it taught me that once a person has a powerful thought and intention to achieve a certain goal, then they can achieve anything. I have manifested being cancer-free for three years, my tumour going down quicker then the doctors deemed possible, finding my dream surgeon, finding the money to go on my dream holiday, getting a job in a theatre, eating healthier, being a part of a drama company and performing on stage. I have achieved all of these things with the power of visualisation, belief and manifestation (it was NOT luck...trust me 😂) and seeing as it's Valentine's day, I am going to tell you how you can manifest a partner 👀.
In 2019 I brought the audible book 'The Soulmate Secret' by Arielle Ford and it changed my life forever. The book isn't just about finding your soulmate and being in a relationship it's about self-love, feng shui, personal development and what you need to do in order to be ready to bring love into your life. I was amazed at how informative and helpful this book was to my life because it's made me create a detailed list of what qualities I wanted my dream partner to have whilst also creating a love alter to celebrate the love already in my life. I highly recommend buying this book, especially the audible version because even if you are not looking for a partner right now, you will end the book feeling more love for yourself you like see why others love you too. 💖
Here is my love alter (and the flowers I sent to myself because why not? if it makes you feel good and look good then do it!:
🌹Interviewing my friends within the visible difference community on valentines day.
I have asked two of my lovely friends from the facial difference community if they would share their opinion about their take on Valentines Day. I have seen countless blogs, adverts and books talking about how empowering it is to be single on Valentines Day, but never about what valentines day might mean for people who are visually different and so, to open that conversation I've decided to ask them these questions.
Ariel Henley 💖 Fergus MCulla💖
Ariel: 29
Fergus: 29
Facial Difference: Ariel has Crouzon Syndrome
Facial Difference: Fergus had removal of Rhabdomyosarcoma from Maxilla (upper jaw). Maxillectomy where Weber-Ferguson incision was used. 4 remaining back teeth on right side of jaw. (a rare form of bone cancer similar to mine)
What was your idea of romance when you were growing up?💐
Ariel: I always just wanted to find my best friend. To me, romance was the idea of finding my person and getting to do life with them every day. Even the mundane everyday tasks would be more fun because we'd get to do them together. Growing up, I wasn't sure I'd ever meet "my person" though and so I focused on dating myself, as silly as that may sound. I was my own best friend.
Fergus: Romance for me has always been a way a saying “thank you” to your partner or a sign of appreciation to them. Relationships take a heap of work - it’s great if you can both acknowledge that, and celebrate what you have with another person.
How did you feel about Valentine's day?💐
Ariel:I've always loved Valentine's Day because I've never viewed it as just an expression of romantic love. I was never one to sit around wishing I had a date or anything like that. I would celebrate with my friends and family. I love love... all kinds of love and think a holiday celebrating that in any form can be really great if you get rid of the expectations and pressure!
Fergus:It’s a good day to make your partner feel nice. It’s also a great day to be a florist, card company or chocolate maker! (😂 we always love a realist on this blog)
What are your opinions on dating?💐
Ariel:Dating can be really fun and special if/when you're ready for it. Even just casual dating can teach you a lot about who you are and what you want. There's a lot of pressure to start dating by a certain age but I think it's important to just follow your own timeline and do what's right for you.
Fergus:We live in a world where people feel a need to be in, or experience a relationship. Be happy with your life, and yourself before you jump into something. Know what you value, and what to put up with/not put up with.
How do you feel about asking someone out?💐
Ariel: I think it's great. Life is short. If you care about someone or even just want to get to know them better, ask them out! The worst they can do is say no.
Fergus:I’ve always been pretty confident asking people out. Even now that I look “different” from “normal” it doesn’t phase me.
Are you dating someone now?💐
Ariel:Yes, I am! I've been with my boyfriend for just over five years now. :)
Fergus:I’m enjoying being single, and investing my time in family and good friendships. I’m in absolutely no rush!
What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you that made you smile just thinking about it?
Ariel:My boyfriend does a lot of little things for me that make my heart happy. He used to work nights and when he got home in the morning, he'd wake me up with a cup of coffee. Some mornings I'd wake up to coffee AND flowers just because. :) Sometimes it's even smaller gestures. Like when he sees I'm out of coffee creamer and buys more without me having to ask because he knows how much I look forward to having it every morning. Or at home, when he saves the good parking spot for me. He's always doing little things to show me he loves me. (so sweet!)
Fergus:Weirdly, one of the most romantic gestures I’ve ever received, was when my first proper girlfriend as a teenager took a day off school, and randomly appeared at hospital before I was scheduled to have knee reconstruction surgery.I had another girlfriend make me a scrapbook of the time we had spent together - which I still have in storage somewhere! Another wrote me a bunch of songs and recorded them - she’s still a very talented musician! ( these are so sweet!)
Do you have any special plans for Valentine’s Day? What will you do?
Ariel:I actually just texted my boyfriend to see what our plans are. We'll probably make reservations at a restaurant and go out. Or if it's too hard to get a table, we may just order in and watch something on Netflix. :)
Fergus:I’ll be doing open mic night at my local pub the night before! Then having a nice evening at home with my dog Honey after work on Friday :)
What message would you like to put out on Valentine's day? Any advice?
Ariel: My advice would be to celebrate love (again, all kinds of love) every day. If you have a Valentine, great! If you don't have a Valentine, also great! Celebrate yourself and the people in your life. If you're sad about not having a date this year, be kind to yourself. Buy yourself some flowers and chocolates, and take yourself out to dinner. Or go hang out with friends and watch a movie. Don't worry about anyone else's expectations.
Fergus:There is a sad statistic that cancer breaks up 50% of relationships. It’s a life-changing thing being a head and neck cancer patient. Take your time, and if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. For people in a similar situation to me - intimacy is definitely effected by cancer/surgery. Having the whole anatomy and function of your face altered isn’t an overnight process. Invest your time and love into meaningful relationships. The people who really love you will emerge and ones who don’t matter will fall away.
Are they not the most awesome human beings you have met? What amazing advice! hope you gained as much from this interview as I have and it truly inspired you to enjoy today and celebrate LOVE. 🌹
🌹What is the true meaning of Valentine's day in the 21st Century?
Honestly, forget about the pressures of society, social media, adverts, TV and movies on what you should do and focus instead of what is good for you. I have spent countless years feeling pressured by society for not having a boyfriend at the right time for Valentines Day, but what cancer has taught me is the power of self-love. I may sound like a broken record because I've mentioned the word in this post a few times but I want to make sure I put my point across 💖. Once a person has self-love they not only attract loving people into their lives, but it makes there eyes open to a lot of amazing things and feel gratitude for what they do have now. Boys, girls and in between will be there forever 💓 let's pledge to better ourselves now so that we can be fully ready and emotionally/physically ready to spread that love romantically.
I hope you enjoyed reading this blog post as much as I had making it and I hope you have a beautiful, loving and fantastic Valentines Day 💖💖.
Lots of Love
Crystal 🌹
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